English 101 Syllabus Information

Instructor Name: M.A.S. "Professor" will do fine.

Office: If it's really all that important, you'll figure it out.

Office Hours: None. Meetings by appointment only. If you can find me.

Office Phone: None you need concern yourselves with. No phone calls accepted. Send an e-mail.

E-mail: A careful search may turn up my e-mail. No one can stop you from trying.

Course Policies: All work must be turned in on time; no late work is accepted. Papers will be returned when I can get to them. If I am late returning your work, that is just too bad.

You must be on time to class. I will frequently be late. I will give quizzes at the beginning of classes when I arrive on time to catch people who have come to rely on my being late.

You must have an excellent excuse for missing class; otherwise, your grade will be docked. I may be gone multiple times for no good reason. This you must deal with without complaint.

I will be encouraging when I should be more realistic about your chances; this will salve my conscience. When I should be encouraging, I will be reserved, in order that you don't get a sense of hope. I will almost never update you on your grade and if you ask, I will make excuses not to tell you. I will express shock when you are disappointed with your final grade.

I will give you breaks during the course if I like you; I will hold strictly to the rules if I do not.

Assignments: I will begin by thinking we can do six essays during the class. By the end, I'll have dropped that to four, lowering substantially the opportunities for improving your grade.

Since I only begin planning a few minutes before each class, assignments will be haphazard and often nonsensical. I will forget I assigned about half of the work I give.

Course Procedures: I will demand you laugh at my jokes, even when they are not funny. They are mostly not funny. I will become upset if you speak too much, then berate you for being too quiet. I will make you uncomfortable by trying to initiate casual conversation, then quickly cut such conversation short if it starts to pick up.

I will ask complicated questions and then be disappointed when you cannot immediately come up with an answer. I will often speak in such a way as to cause more confusion than I clear up and become impatient when you cannot follow my convoluted logic.

Enjoy the course.

Is it surprising that I don't think I'm cut out for the teaching thing?