I'm posting it here now so I don't have to keep copying and pasting the thing. It won't do any good at getting rid of the fallacious thing, but it'll make me feel better.
First, for reference, the screed:
In her radio show, Dr Laura Schlesinger said that, as an observant
Orthodox Jew, homosexuality is an abomination according to Leviticus
18:22, and cannot be condoned under any circumstance.
The following response is an open letter to Dr. Laura, written by a US man,
and posted on the Internet. It's funny, as well as informative:
Dear Dr. Laura:
Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God's Law. I
have learned a great deal from your show, and try to share that
knowledge with as many people as I can. When someone tries to defend
the homosexual lifestyle, for example, I simply remind them that
Leviticus 18:22 clearly states it to be an abomination ... End of
debate.
I do need some advice from you, however, regarding some other
elements of God's Laws and how to follow them.
1. Leviticus 25:44 states that I may possess slaves, both male and
female, provided they are from neighboring nations. A friend of mine
claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians. Can you
clarify? Why can't I own Canadians?
2. I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in
Exodus 21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair
price for her?
3. I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her
period of Menstrual uncleanliness - Lev.15: 19-24. The problem is how
do I tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offense.
4. When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a
pleasing odor for the Lord - Lev.1:9. The problem is my neighbors.
They claim the odor is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them?
5. I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus
35:2 clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated
to kill him myself, or should I ask the police to do it?
6. A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an
abomination, Lev. 11:10, it is a lesser abomination than
homosexuality. I don't agree. Can you settle this? Are there
'degrees' of abomination?
7. Lev. 21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I
have a defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading
glasses. Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle-room
here?
8. Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair
around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by Lev.
19:27. How should they die?
9. I know from Lev. 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes
me unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves?
10. My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev.19:19 by planting two
different crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing garments
made of two different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester blend). He also
tends to curse and blaspheme a lot. Is it really necessary that we go
to all the trouble of getting the whole town together to stone them?
Lev.24:10-16. Couldn't we just burn them to death at a private family
affair, like we do with people who sleep with their in-laws? (Lev. 20:14)
I know you have studied these things extensively and thus enjoy
considerable expertise in such matters, so I'm confident you can help.
Thank you again for reminding us that God's word is eternal and unchanging.
Your adoring fan.
James M. Kauffman, Ed.D. Professor Emeritus,
Dept. Of Curriculum, Instruction, and Special Education
University of Virginia PS (It would be a damn shame if we couldn't own a
Canadian)
My response:
Yes, God's word is "eternal and unchanging." That does not mean that all verses are to be applied to all circumstances blindly--but nor does it mean that the clear indications of those things God finds morally repugnant can then be ignored. The new covenant does not call on us to punish sins the way the Israelites were called to, but that does not somehow mean that those sins have since become acceptable.
(For reference, I repeat my statement from an earlier post: "The short version is, OT covenant law breaks down into three basic categories, which we might call practical (like the call to build railings around the roofs of houses), cultural (such as the directives about eating and dress), and moral (such as the directives about sexual behavior and punishment). They are grouped within the covenants with relative clarity and are not difficult to differentiate." )
1. Leviticus 25:44 states that I may possess slaves, both male and female, provided they are purchased from neighboring nations. A friend of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians. Can you clarify? Why can't I own Canadians?
Your friend is a buffoon. Yes, slavery (as a form of indentured servitude and not the version of permanent racial subjugation, which we tend to think of with our own past) is a feature of ancient Near Eastern life--and, by the way, a means of survival. People often sold themselves into slavery so that they could have food and shelter. Since slavery is no longer legal, these, of course, don't currently apply. If a Canadian (or anyone else) offers to work for you for room and board, and the alternative is to let them starve in the street, which would be the better course of action?
2. I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in Exodus 21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price for her?
Again, since our cultural situation is vastly different from that of the ancient Israelites and their neighbors, there isn't any particular way to apply this today. Today you might argue about what a fair minimum wage would be for her work, though, which is essentially the same issue. If you are unable to provide for your children and you don't find a way to provide for them, I'd suggest it is you who have the moral failing.
3. I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her period of Menstrual uncleanliness - Lev.15: 19-24. The problem is how do I tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offense.
Um... You are one disturbing fellow. If we lived in a time of extremely basic hygiene, we too might wish to be cautious about how and with whom we interacted. This is one of those practical guidelines, and is, in essence, giving women a week off each month during which they were relieved of any household duties and did not have to put up with the demands and attentions of men. How very cruel!
4. When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a pleasing odor for the Lord - Lev.1:9. The problem is my neighbors. They claim the odor is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them?
If you are still living under the covenantal requirement to sacrifice animals, you are in trouble indeed. And isn't this tantamount to an argument for religious freedom? Shouldn't this be allowed, no matter what the neighbors say? At no point is there a biblical injunction to smite those who dislike the smell of barbeque.
5. I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2 clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself, or should I ask the police to do it?
Are you an ancient Israelite living under the old covenant? Then there are no police, and you will have to gather folks from the village, most likely guided by the elders, to carry out this punishment. (Though, of course, since Hebraic law is always given as a guide and all such cases would be decided on a case-by-case basis by a local adjudicator, the man would have ample opportunity to explain and defend himself.)
Oh, wait--you're not an ancient Israelite? Then you are under the new covenant, and God handles all such cases of judgment and punishment. You would be wise to counsel your neighbor against his actions, but you are under no obligation to investigate the crime or carry out the penalty.
6. A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an abomination, Lev. 11:10, it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality. I don't agree. Can you settle this? Are there 'degrees' of abomination?
As shown earlier, yes, indeed, there are levels of abomination. (It's called a hierarchy of morals--the same reason that lying to the Nazis about the Jews you are harboring is not a sin on the same level as turning those Jews over to the Nazis.) So, yes--according the covenant, homosexuality (a sin of the moral kind--look at what else is condemned in Leviticus 18) is a worse abomination than eating shellfish (a cultural proscription, meant to keep the Israelites separate from other corrupting cultural influences). You clearly just need to actually read the bible...
7. Lev. 21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I have a defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading glasses. Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle-room here?
Sadly, if you are an ancient Levite, a vision problem might indeed keep you from performing the act of presenting the food offerings on the altar of God in the capacity of priest. Of course, given that there was no way to measure visual acuity in the ancient Near East, unless the sight issue was severe, it most likely wouldn't be noticed.
Again, we're talking about God's purity, and as a symbol of such, no defect was allowed in those who approached him: a very powerful visual metaphor. So, ancient Levite, if your vision is so bad that you can't see or you have an obvious wound on your eye, I'm afraid you'll have to carry out one of the thousands of other tasks prescribed for your clan.
Oh, wait--you're not an ancient Levite? And, in fact, there is no altar of God which you could reasonably even wish to approach? Well, I guess it's a moot point, then.
8. Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by Lev. 19:27. How should they die?
*snort* Why do you keep insisting on killing people? At what point does Leviticus proscribe death for this?
As another of those cultural markers, the ancient Israelites were commanded not to cut their facial hair (as many neighboring tribes did as part of their religious rites). So since you're an ancient Israelite...
Oh, wait. No you're not.
9. I know from Lev. 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes me unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves?
I know almost nothing about sports, but I do know they haven't made footballs out of pigskin for decades. And if the ancient Israelites played football, they would have been in trouble. They would have had to stay outside the camp for a whole afternoon as punishment. Again, the cruelty of the Old Testament is staggering, isn't it?
10. My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev.19:19 by planting two different crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing garments made of two different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester blend). He also tends to curse and blaspheme a lot. Is it really necessary that we go to all the trouble of getting the whole town together to stone them? Lev.24:10-16. Couldn't we just burn them to death at a private family affair, like we do with people who sleep with their in-laws? (Lev. 20:14)
One, the burning is only for someone who marries a woman and her mother, not just sleeping with them. So there's that.
But, again, O thick-headed commentator, we're talking about two different kinds of laws: cultural and moral. The clothing and planting issues have never carried the penalty of death. (One good measure to tell the difference is to look at the prescribed penalties: cultural deviations were never punished with death, while moral and spiritual ones often were.)
And yes: the ancients put the same weight on profaning the name of God as they did murder--all those who insist endlessly that we have to respect cultural differences and not judge others should have no problem with this equivalency. And all such executions were public: in a society always on the brink of chaos and starvation and with no margin for social deviation, they would be a public affirmation of values and solidarity.
As a final note: yes, I know some will accuse me of taking this too seriously. "It's just a joke." But it's a joke premised on a thinly veiled attack on belief in and the integrity of the bible, which is not a matter for levity. This is, in it's snide way, a serious attack on Christianity, and it ought to be confronted and buried whenever it rears its ill-informed head.
