Auld Lang Syne

I just wanted some title other than Happy New Year!!!!!! :)

Here it is: January 1, 2005. I shall be writing the wrong date on checks for two months. We can now easily divide the date by 5 again--a feat not to be repeated for half a decade. The icy hand of death draws one year nearer (though I'm watching a Twilight Zone marathon as I type this, so the pure nostalgia is making that threat seem less onerous--besides, Death will probably offer me some strange deal and I'll end up saving myself, but only at the cost of someone dear to me).

That last sentence, by the way, is an example of the sort of thing I'm not editing in this blog. You have my condolences.

I've been mulling over the idea of resolutions this week. I don't know what to think about them these days. The concept of New Year's resolutions seems dull and staid, more of a joke than an actual event, and yet the idea of taking vows at the change of a calendar year has a strong draw for me. I've always been a sucker for ceremony and tradition, and I really want such oaths to mean something. I have, in the past, made very solemn vows upon a New Year's Eve.

And not one resolution have I kept in these many years. It's almost become an exercise in self-doubt and defeat, a chance for me to feel bad about myself rather than providing goals for which to strive. Not, as is probably clear by now, I need any such excuse.

I am therefore putting up this list of... let's call them ideals for 2005. That sounds more flimsy, I realize, than "resolutions," and provides thereby more chance for weasling out of them (like my "near-daily" vow), but what the heck. Perhaps having some degree of accountability to you folks will help me out.

Here, then, in something of an order of importance:

1. Spend more time with God--This seems to be the universal resolution of every Christian I know. Somehow I seem to lose sight of Christ in my daily life, even as I most make an effort to keep Him foremost. I know I need a daily prayer time. In the past I've sought closeness with God for my own ends--as if, were I to spend some requisite time near Him, the things I really want would happen as a result. I realize at this late stage that the closeness with God is the thing I really want. The other stuff is ephemera, I know, but it seems to loom so large in the moment. So some spiritual consistency is my greatest need this year (and beyond, of course).



2. Write!--My wife has more than once suggested that I'm going through my midlife crisis somewhat early. That may well be true. I have felt more strongly in the past months that I am meant to be doing something more, and I am much convinced that that thing is writing. Yet there are few things I avoid more assidiously. I wrote three pages last week--it's the first I've done for non-roleplaying purposes in longer than I can recall. I know Senor Devin has struggled with this in the past regarding his artwork: how can the one thing I most want to do be the one thing I most avoid? Got to get past that. The good news: I've been more inclined this direction in the last few weeks. The bad news: I've yet to do anything about it. Again.



3. Lose Some Weight--Great ooka-mooka, but I'm a large man. These past few years I know I've not been in the shape I should be (really, for most of my life, but it's in the last few years that I've begun to feel it). I feel lifeless and slow, physical exertion is far too taxing, and I'm becoming more self-conscious about it rather than less. I really don't want it to take something drastic (like diabetes or a heart attack) to get me to change my ways. Joanna and I had some luck a few years back (before the boys) with Weight Watchers, so I'm starting that up tomorrow. Well, later today, actually. It's hard to find time to get an exercise routine going, what with the boys to look after and Joanna seeing so little of me anyway, but that's needful, too.



4. Use My Time More Wisely--I do waste so much time. Not just staying-up-until-2am-playing-Halo time, but each actual moment. I spend far too much of my day reading pointless things on the web (I have now read more movie reviews than I have seen actual movies), playing goofy little computer games, staring at the television, or staring off into space, lamenting my inability to get things done. I don't know how one achieves self-discipline without first having self-discipline, but I need to know the secret. Now!

There are gallons more--keeping up the house more, being a better father and husband, working harder on my voiceover training, becoming a more competent and organized teacher--but I'll be surprised if you folk made it this far. I'll end by wishing you all a blessed year full of the things you most need, and that we all become more of the creatures we are intended to be.