That Sinking Feeling

The old blog has been the victim of my general malaise the last week or two. Really, there's nothing wrong at all, but I'm feeling rather overwhelmed with the quantity of work that needs doing in the short term here. And, as always, my reaction to having a lot of work to do is to do none of it. Avoidance is my dance partner, and I know all her steps.

It also strikes me as odd that even the most hopeful and exciting projects intimidate me. I wouldn't have thought that old saw about being afraid of success would apply to me, but I begin to suspect that it might. Part of that comes from the balancing act between the things I desire to do and those I am required to do. I can't happily dive into writing the murder party or my novel while I still have all the course planning and organization to do, and I put off those because I don't really want to do them. The wise man would perform the work of his vocation in order that he might pursue his avocation, but a wise man I am not. Nor one with any willpower or work ethic.

But away with such gloomy thoughts! I recognize this as self-defeating and a kind of attack, and I recognize, too, that greater things are within me (and, far more importantly, greater is He that is within me). Would that I had whatever it is that makes people good workers, but I seem to be lacking that particular brain clockwork.

In other matters, I spent the weekend gaming with the Parkers, which was terrific; haven't gotten a face-to-face roleplaying fix since they were out for Christmas a couple of years ago. Many snacks were consumed and many very strange jokes were cracked, and that was good.

Now to get to that work, and get back up the mountain before the next installment of snow arrives. Maybe I'll put down my thoughts on that next time out. Oh—and using my own chainsaw for the first time yesterday. (The power! The absolute power!)