I've been trying to remember the exact wording of the conversation between Gandalf and Pippin in The Return of the King (the movie) in which Pippin says that he doesn't want to fight, but the waiting beforehand is even worse. Actually, I was just looking for Gandalf's line about them being in the long hush before the battle; that's where I feel like I have been yesterday and this morning.
I'm remarkably upbeat for me, really. I'm quite looking forward to starting off (probably this afternoon), and though I'm a little concerned about my recent lack of sleep--a lot of grading sneaking up to attack me these days--I'm pretty excited overall. Plus the punishments for my failure keep pouring in (Joanna will probably put hers up soon, but they include things like making the boys clean up their own room every night for months and sending her off to expensive day spas), so I've got incentive aplenty. Thankfully, my main motivation at the moment is just the desire to succeed; it'll be in the painful later weeks that I need those threats to keep me moving.
One last thought, and a totally unrelated one: I think I figured out the other day a little piece of why God puts up with us and uses us in His plans. Last week I was making waffles and the boys were "helping." It was messy and took a good deal longer than it would have had I made them alone, but they diligently added ingredients as handed to them and stirred the batter with determination.
So why did I let them help? It would have been much faster and simpler if I had just done it myself; there would have been less flour on the walls and the batter would have stayed in the mixing bowl. But I wanted to teach the boys some things, from following directions to a general sense of cookery. And it was also just fun--I enjoyed sharing the process with them.
God could accomplish His will by fiat any time He liked; however, maybe, like me, He both has lessons to impart and simply takes pleasure in sharing His work with us. That's an encouraging thought.
1 comment:
Hey Brother-Man-Dude,
I read these verses this morning and thought of you and your book adventure, and how God has given you this desire to write. He hasn't taken it away when you've asked, which leads me think He doesn't want to take it away--He wants to do something with it through His power. And he wants to use you--maybe a lot like the boys making pancakes with you. It's His joy to spend that time with you and watch you do what you love. The boys had a ball dumping the ingredients you gave them into a bowl, and you had a ball watching, for so many reasons. I think the Lord will take joy and pleasure in watching you pour out the words He has given you. He will be with you in the room when you write. How cool is that?
Hebrews 13:20-21
And now, may the God of peace, who brought again from the dead our Lord Jesus, equip you with all you need for doing his will. May he produce in you, through the power of Jesus Christ, all that is pleasing to him. Jesus is the great Shepherd of the sheep by an everlasting covenant, signed with his blood. To him be glory forever and ever. Amen.
Reading that made me think of what's probably my favorite verse.
John 15:5
I am the vine; you are the branches. If a man remains in me, and I in him, he will bear much fruit; apart from me, you can do nothing.
Of course, all the bolded, italicised stuff is my emphasis. 'Cause I think they're the coolest parts.
He longs to enjoy the process with you. Invite him to dwell with you each time as you start to write. Allow yourself to rise to the occasion, shoving any messages of inferiority right out of your head the minute they show up. They are lies--He has said you are worthy of doing great things for Him, through Him. And have a ball.
Love you so much,
Kathie
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